Archive for June, 2009

The blues

Posted in Uncategorized on 22/06/2009 by bimbo78

I might start singing the blues, of course I should be black and a man and 40 years older and live in the southern states of USA and be able to play the guitar and/or harmonica and own a rocking chair. Apart from the I reckon I am blues material.

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2 weddings and a phonecall

Posted in Dark on 21/06/2009 by bimbo78

I’m not feeling very artculate so I’ll keep this to a minimum but might come back to it later to add some more.

Bob and I had Chris and Lynnes wedding on Friday followed by Rich and Lauras on Saturday. Bob was an usher at both so it’s been a bit of a hectic weekend. Coupled with me being a bit dodgy and chucking up lots, (still not right now but at least I’ve lost some weight!). Both weddings were lovely and very emotional which I think took it’s toll on me especially Friday night. We had to rush down from near Llangollen to Bromsgrove on Saturday morning and Bob got changed into his ushers suit in the churchyard! I didn’t go to the service as I thought it might be bad form to throw up on the brides dress.

And today is fathers day so I went to my parents whilst Bob went off to see his dad. My mum told me the genetisist, (sp??) will be in contact with me soon to get me booked in for some tests. I think this will just be a blood test and a possible scan. I’m not sure what to expect, the study is ongoing and all that but I keep getting told this is NOT a hereditary condition. I’m assuming i will have to wait for the study to finish before they’ll know anything in particular and then maybe they’ll be able to tell me what I should do. Unless of course they do find something…. can’t wait!

No comment

Posted in Dark on 11/06/2009 by bimbo78

I don’t want to talk about it, please don’t push the subject. I know it’s happening and it’s real but I wonder why everyone feels like it is the only topic of conversation I care to discuss. Don’t you realise I think about it every waking moment, whenever I am on my own, driving, running trying to sleep. The last thing I want is to be reminded when I may happen to have been distracted by something else for a brief second. I know it’s really fucking unfair! It’s awful and you think me heartless to just shrug my shoulders and maybe even utter C’est la vie. I’ve built my defences, they’ll come tumbling down soon enough but leave me alone at the moment. Leave me in this place where I can do my odd things. I don’t know why it makes me feel better it just does.

I still want to be able to use my blog as my therapist but dark poignant things aren’t flowing out of head. And I suppose there is nothing to say that I haven’t already said. Maybe I’ll just keep posting links back to old posts. Now there’s an idea.

I really wish K was here, he will be in about a month for a few days but I’m certainly not going to ruin his short time back by bothering him with my fucked up head.

Fuzzy head more melancholic gloom

Posted in Health with tags on 07/06/2009 by bimbo78

I’ve been neglecting you Mr Blog I realise that. The thing is the stuff that has been in my head recently I haven’t really wanted to share with anyone. I will just get a few things off my mind though but may delete the post next time I log on.

I went round to Mers place a couple of weekends ago, she is so upset not just for my mum but because me and my dad have to go through it again. She kept telling me how fucking unfair everything is. I know! It is unfair that this should be happening again and the ludicrous irony that it’s the same disease that killed my brother. Would I feel better if it was something else? I don’t know but I think it may be in the end. After years of having heart problems and being on a low cholesterol diet my mum not surprisingly doesn’t give a shit anymore what she eats. Cheese, bacon, chocolate and cider. All her favourite things. I hope her ticker just gives up on her, I want her to go quickly and not linger.

Then I just have the task of filling her size 4’s. Fuck! I’m not cut out to be like her. Tough yet one of the most kind hearted people you will ever meet. Often terrifying to the stranger but will give people love that never expect it. So many waifs and stray have been under her wing I’ve lost count.