Archive for Death

1st November

Posted in Uncategorized with tags on 03/11/2008 by bimbo78

The weekend just gone started off well but went rapidly downhill.

Bob and I had a nice din dins at home and then went out for a little drink on Friday evening, (Samhain) with Dev, KP, Steff and Pete. We went to the Marwood down the Tything, which is so much busier than when it was called the Greenman, it’s just a shame it no longer has all the green man plaques on the wall. We chatted and argued as ever about lots of stuff. It was quite a subdues Samhain for me but I did raise my glass to those that were no longer with us and everyone joined in as usual. I hope I didn’t freak Pete out too much as he hasn’t been seeing Steff long so therefore may not be used to my ways yet.

We all left quite early, which was probably for the best given what was to happen later. Bob and I wandered off home and went to bed. About 5 in the morning the phone started ringing. I’m a very light sleeper so leapt out of bed and answered it whilst Bob lay in a very confused state in bed. It was Jen, Bob’s oldest sister who lives at the farm with their dad. She wanted to speak to Bob who had managed to haul himself out of bed and was wandering around looking befuddled. Jen had just had a call from the hospital where their granddad was after breaking his hip. He had taken a turn for the worse and they weren’t expecting him to last much longer. We got dressed and were literally going out of the door when Tracey called, (Bob’s other sister). His granddad had died before anybody had managed to get to the hospital to be with him. He wasn’t a young man obviously; he would have been 93 next week. Up until last year he had been very active, he had gone blind a few years ago due to glaucoma but still had all his faculties about him. Then he had a stroke and had not been the same since. A strange thing about the date, not only it was the day of the dead, (1st November) it is also the same day that Bob’s mum died.

We went back to bed and I finally went back to sleep. We got up a few hours later and moped around for a bit before going up to the farm. God it was cold up there, the wind was lashing the place as usual but it was a horrible biting wind. Tracey had just got there with Ben and Natalie his niece and nephew. Jen was there also but his dad was off sorting stuff out in Ludlow, (otherwise known as going to the pub). They reminisced for ages about the old man. He was in the Ulster riffles in the war and there were quite a few photos of him in his uniform in various places around the world. Bob’s dad finally turned up, carrying a pork pie for Bob, (it’s amazing how many people give him pies as gifts). We reminisced some more then finally drove home.

We were supposed t o be going out that evening with Bob’s old housemates for dinner. Bob was not feeling very sociable at all so he rang up Rich and told him we weren’t going. We sat in watching Saturday evening TV and eating fish and chips. Actually that’s a lie, we watched Hot Fuzz on DVD to cheer us up.

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8th March

Posted in Dark with tags , on 08/03/2008 by bimbo78

Well it’s 5 years today.
Tunisia 1981

Tunisia also
Pulling a silly face, as he did.

You still make me laugh you great big cuddley baffoon.

My how time flies

Posted in Dark with tags on 06/03/2008 by bimbo78

In a couple of days it’ll be 5 years since my big brother died. Time really does fly by. I’m not going to be all melancholy about how unfair things are, (which they really are). I’m in quite a jovial mood and I am getting increasingly irritated with people around me being miserable for no good reason. Once you realise life is unfair then you can get over it and start having fun. Enjoy life you never know when it’ll just stop.

I will just be a little dark though, well it is me, you wouldn’t expect anything else surely. Is it easier to be the person going, fading slowly into the dark or to be the family watching this happen to somebody they love? Obviously I don’t know the answer as I have only done the watching thing, unfortunatly more than once in my family. I supose it depeds on whether you are aware you are dying or if your illness has destroyed your sense of being.

Just ignore it

Posted in Dark with tags , , on 04/12/2007 by bimbo78

I am sometimes very dark but normally just light. I have a heart of gold but you need a big hammer to chip off the stone casing that surrounds it. Sometimes the darkness engulfs me, I feel it surrounding me and dragging me down.  My head starts to wander off into the strange realms of what I call head flip time. I haven’t had it for a while but it always there, at the back of my personality. It can shine through when I have been drinking and I’ll say the oddest stuff about death. Bob understands it, he lost too. If anything he lost more than me. Not that it is just the loss that made me like this. The ED too. That has become a symptom of the head flip but existed long before. I have a feeling the head flip will happen again soon. I am about to lose again.

F**king Cancer

Posted in Dark, Health with tags , on 03/12/2007 by bimbo78

I may have to re instate ‘The Dark Room’ so as not to make the main blog page too depressing. But hell if this stuff is happening then I’ll just write it.

My uncle is so poorly, and I am so sad. He has been zapped with radiotherapy virtually every week day for 2 weeks to try and relieve the pain he is in. The consequence is he is hurling his guts up constantly. I dearly hope he makes it to Christmas to see us all together again. My mum is a realist when it comes to this sort of thing and she thinks maybe not. I’m clutching my clear quartz crystal and sending as much positive energy as I can. 

After all that has happened to my family in the last few years we are so incredibly close. I don’t want another one to go. Although I’m sure Stevie will look after him when it happens.