Archive for Eating Disorder

ED’s R us

Posted in Dark, Health with tags on 08/01/2008 by bimbo78

I just heard a news story on the BBC about eating disorders. Apparently the special NHS clinics where people are sent when they are really poorly are busier than ever. Well in my opinion there are several reasons for this.

Firstly there is so much more publicity surrounding eating disorders than there used to be. When I was at my worst people said I was skinny and she’s a bit funny with her food but there was NEVER any mention of eating disorders. I suffered in silence, literally I didn’t tell a soul. This was 14 years ago, people had heard of ED’s but it wasn’t exactly high profile. Well that was until the waif came along. People complained about Kate Moss but then Jodie Kidd came long, all 6 stone of her, (she’s 6 foot tall!!). Suddenly anorexia was all over the papers. People were suddenly aware and everything was done to stop it from happening. I had sorted myself out in the meantime, (well as best you can ever recover).

Now it seems having an eating disorder is a pre-requisite for being a teenage girl. And with soooo many celebrities sporting visible rib cages it seems it has been accepted.

Portia de Rosi, Nicole Richie, Victoria Beckham, Claissa Flockhart virtually any girl signed up to a modelling agency!!

Let me use Victoria Beckham as an example here. Would she be as famous as she is if she wasn’t so skinny. I think not. She has no talent, she is married to a very famous footballer but you don’t see Christiano Ronaldo’s bird all over the papers do you?! She is famous for looking like a lolly stick with boobs. The size 4 was invented for these stick thin women and that is now used as motivation for some girls, they will keep going until they can fit into a pair of jeans with a 23 inch waist, which by the way is the same as an 8 year old girl. They are de-feminising themselves. Their boobs go and their periods stop. My hatred was of my larger than average hips and butt when I was at my worst, it’s a family trait I can’t do anything about it. Now I love my ass, and so does my bloke. To me a woman should have a shape not look like a bean pole, (I’m aiming this section of the rant at a particular person). Obviously some women can’t help being straight up and down but if that isn’t your natural shape don’t try and fight it EMBRACE IT!! If he wants you different then maybe you should question his motives.

And obviously there are pro-anorexia websites too, these can act as a trigger for those that are that way inclined. I visit a few of these sometimes, not to get tips but just to remind myself of the hell. I don’t want to go back there but sometimes I do slip and fall. I’m probably at a very sensitive time at the moment as I put on so much weight in the last year. I could lose it in a few days if I wanted but I won’t I’ll do it the hard way.

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Just ignore it

Posted in Dark with tags , , on 04/12/2007 by bimbo78

I am sometimes very dark but normally just light. I have a heart of gold but you need a big hammer to chip off the stone casing that surrounds it. Sometimes the darkness engulfs me, I feel it surrounding me and dragging me down.  My head starts to wander off into the strange realms of what I call head flip time. I haven’t had it for a while but it always there, at the back of my personality. It can shine through when I have been drinking and I’ll say the oddest stuff about death. Bob understands it, he lost too. If anything he lost more than me. Not that it is just the loss that made me like this. The ED too. That has become a symptom of the head flip but existed long before. I have a feeling the head flip will happen again soon. I am about to lose again.